What is Grief and Loss Grief Symptoms How to Handle Grief and Loss

People are asking many questions about grief, loss, and mourning.  I was called to sit in conversation with Archangels and here we explain grief, what it is, and how it impacts our lives.  Crucially, it is a normal emotional response so many of us are feeling following the death of Her Royal Highness Queen Elizabeth II.  Read on to explain grief and loss, its symptoms and how to handle grief and loss.

 Grief is a natural emotional response to loss.  When you grieve, you are experiencing something totally natural.

There is no right, wrong or typical way to grieve and there is no time limit either.  Sometimes the emotions come immediately after you learn of the death of a loved one or someone you know.  Sometimes they hit you much later and in unexpected ways.

It is normal to feel:

• Shock
• Disbelief
• Overwhelmed
• Guilt
• Anger
• Sadness
• Regret
• Inexplicable emotion swings

Coping with loss extends beyond the death of a loved one.  People grieve for other things as well.  Understanding that any grief is a normal response helps people to cope with grief in themselves and in others.

You might grieve for:

• A miscarriage
• Loss of a pet
• Break up of a relationship
• Unwanted home move
• Retirement
• Losing your job
• Loss of good health
• Loss of independence
• Terminal illness
• Serious illness of someone else
• Death of a monarch

Please contact me if there is anything else you think should be on this list.

Some people go through an element of grief when they leave school or college or when changing jobs, even when it is their decision.

It is not surprising that the sense of loss is extra significant when the bereavement is someone close to you, such as your spouse, parent, sibling, child or close friend.  You will feel as though your life will never be the same again.  Indeed, while the loss may be significant and you no longer have that person in your life, it is true that time heals.  There will come a time when optimism returns and you start to look forward to the future.

Our loved ones, our old lives and situations live on in our memories.  Gradually, the rawness fades and even though they may evoke a tear, our memories are with fondness of happy times.  Frequently, we eventually come to terms with the loss.  However, some of us and in some situations never get over some bereavements.  At times, this can be healthy and we find the strength to build our lives after the loss.  At other times, some of us never get over a loss to the extent that it drags us down and is unhealthy. 

The grieving process is as individual as you are; there is no right or wrong way or set length of time.  Various factors impact how you grieve.  Things like your faith, your religion, your life experience, your personality traits and your habits all impact on your grief.

The 5 Stages of Grief

There are five stages of grief; these were first recognised as recently as 1969 when Swiss-American psychiatrist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross brought the five stages of grief to recognition when she proposed the five stages of grief in her book On Death and Dying.

Five Stages of Grief:

1. Denial: Denial that it is happening
2. Anger: Why is it happening and apportioning blame
3. Bargaining: Stop this from happening and I promise to …
4. Depression: To sad to partake in life
5. Acceptance: Accepting the situation and being peaceful about it

However, people take too much credence on these five stages and expect to be able to tick them off until they feel better.  Remember, your grief is as individual as you are.  Not everyone grieving will go through these five stages, you may go through them in a different order.  You might go through some of them quickly and then take years to experience the rest.  There is no set process, no set timescale and no set way that you should feel or behave.

Often grief is a rollercoaster of emotions; you have ups and downs, rounds and rounds and bits in between. 

“Remember, your grief is as individual as you are”

As well as the five stages of grief, symptoms of grief include intense sadness, feeling in a dream state, or feeling as though your life is not quite real.  You may be fearful, irrational, shocked, or guilty.  You might cry a lot, suddenly become tearful, go off your food, forget things, and have mood swings.

Physical Grief Symptoms

Your grief process can include physical symptoms:

• Lowered immunity
• Aches and pains
• Fatigue
• Weight fluctuations
• Insomnia

Please don’t ever suffer grief in silence.  There are various ways you can help yourself and find help.  There is no shame in asking for help with grief.

I am writing this a few days after the death of Her Royal Highness Queen Elizabeth II.  Even though I have experienced loss and grief many times, I was still rocked by how intensely I felt grief at the loss of our Queen, our constant, or stability.  Although I’d seen her several times, I didn’t know her.  There should have been no reason for the sudden tears, the sudden emotional responses and the feelings of loss and of being bereft.  Yet, like many people in the UK and the Commonwealth, that is what I was experiencing until I asked for help.

I still feel grief for the loss, but my emotions are far less intense and I am better able to manage them and appreciate all that she achieved. 

There are several ways that you can ask for help with grief.  Sometimes talking it over with a friend is helpful.  Sometimes it is enough, sometimes, it is not enough.

Of course, one of life’s certainties, actually, probably the only certainty once we are born, is death.  Whatever our religious beliefs, whatever our situation, the grieving process is a normal response even when you believe that the person has gone to a better place.

Grieving is an inevitable part of life and ways you can help yourself to cope include:

Acknowledge your grief and respect that it is a normal response

Realise that your process of grief is unique to you as an individual

Have acceptance that grief triggers unexpected emotions and can hijack you at any time

Remember that your mind, body and spirit are all connected.  Care for your physical self to support yourself emotionally and spiritually.

Recognise that grief will lessen with time.  After a timescale that feels right for you, find something to look forward to.

When these coping strategies don’t work, or you feel that you need more, it is time to seek professional help.  Ways to get help with grief:

• Speak to your doctor
• Speak to your religious leader
• Find and book grief counselling
• Book into a mindfulness course
• Practice daily meditation
• Have a card reading or a Reiki session

In extreme cases, you could even book sessions with a qualified hypnotherapist who specialises in overcoming grief.

Grief Myths

There are many myths surrounding handling grief that are wrong:

Myth:  Not crying means you are not healing and not sorry about the loss.

Truth:  Whilst it is normal to cry, remember that everyone is different and everyone’s grief is normal to them.  Not crying does not mean that the loss does not impact someone and forcing tears will not speed up the healing process.

Myth:  Your grief lasts about 12 months.

Truth:  There is no set time to grieve.  The length of time varies from individual to individual.  Some will get over the initial grief sooner and some take longer.  Crucially, you can find yourself being caught by memories or triggers many years later.

Myth:  You’ll get over it sooner if you carry on and ignore it.

Truth:  No!  This is so wrong; you naturally go through the various stages of grief in your own time, way and order.  There is no right or wrong way to grieve.  Trying to ignore the pain and emotion will seriously impact on your mental health and could lead to a longer grieving process.

Myth:  You have to stay strong.

Truth:  The hardest thing is being the person who is trying to stay strong for others.  You don’t have to be that person, let the natural process follow its course, cry if you want to and a family or friendship group will naturally fall into a process of supporting each other.

Myth:  When someone moves on, it means they have got over the loss.

Truth:  We never forget the loss of a loved one or a big life change.  Moving on means acceptance of the loss.  Sometimes the memories fade, but you still have them and still remember.

How to Cope

Grieving is an inevitable part of living, as the great lady Her Royal Highness Queen Elizabeth II said

“Grief is the price we pay for love.”

 (Elizabeth R)

It is essential that you acknowledge your pain.  Even when the loss was not close to you, it is real if you feel pain.  Acknowledge it.

Understand that your process of grief is unique.

Be aware that emotion swings and emotional turmoil are normal.

Emotionally support yourself by acknowledging the mind-body connection and caring for your physical needs.

Recognise when you need external support. 

Be aware of the differences between grief and depression.

Support for Grief

When you feel that support is needed, don’t hesitate to reach out and find help.  There is no shame in asking for help; acknowledging and asking for help in itself can help your healing process.

Reiki sessions are a fantastic safe way to support yourself through your grief stages.  When you book a session, make sure you state why.  That way we work with Archangel Azrael, the angel who guides people through the process of death.  Azrael helps the dying leave their life and removes any suffering.  Azrael’s role extends to assisting the bereaved living; calling on him, he eases our living suffering and helps us to acceptance.

A card reading to explore the months ahead can be a valuable part of the process, explaining some of your heartache and giving you something to look forward to.  You don’t have to say your reading is because you are grieving, but doing so could provide additional clarity to some of the things shown during the reading.  Crystal Owls card readings are always entirely safe; only work with positive factors.

Grief and Mourning Frequently Asked Questions:

Q  Why does grief feel heavy?

A  Grief symptoms can include fatigue and mental tiredness, which can feel like a heaviness.

Q  Why does grief make you feel sick?

A  Your mind, body and spirit are closely linked and co-dependent.  Feeling sick is a normal response to the emotions of grief and mourning.

Q  Why does grief make you lose weight?

A  Grief impacts us physically and emotionally; some people will lose weight from the stress of grief.  When you are mourning, remember to take care of your body and nourish yourself with food.

Q  Why does grief make you put on weight?

A  Grief is stressful; when you are stressed, cortisol is released into your body, and in some people, this leads to weight gain.

Q  Why am I mourning the Queen?

A  Queen Elizabeth was a constant in our lives, she was our rock and it is a natural process, albeit one that shocks us with its strength.  Some are mourning for the loss of stability.

Q  Is mourning and grief the same?  What is difference between grieving and mourning?  Mourning vs grief? 

A  Mourning and grief are the same thing on an individual level.  However, collective mourning, such as national mourning, extends to an official capacity following specific processes as a mark of respect for the deceased person. 

In the case of HRH Queen Elizabeth, there is a period of royal mourning and a period of national mourning.  The royal mourning extends to seven days after the funeral and is observed by her family and royal households together with the armed forces troops on ceremonial duties.  National mourning is the ten days following her death until her funeral.  Many events are cancelled as a mark of respect.  The day of the funeral is a public holiday, a national day of morning.

Q  How to cope with mourning and bereavement

A  Please read the article above that explains how to cope with mourning and bereavement.